We all talk to ourselves in some way, some will talk out-loud and in public! While others just in their head. It’s a natural part of who we are. This self talk is generally good, it allows us to review a situation, predict what could happen and generally think about something in more detail.

But what happens when this self talk can be harmful or make us think of the worst situation rather than the best. What if that self talk makes us not do that thing, telling us we are not good enough or that the work delivered will not be of a high enough standard.

Protecting ourselves

This self talk is generally around protecting the self. Why do something if we could look silly or we will fail? That would only harm us and put us in a bad situation. Sometimes this is true and having that voice to call out is good. But that is what it should be, a view on a situation that is not the full picture. This self talk or story is generally a skewed reality and the stories being told are not quite true.

It’s a perception based upon something that may not be true.

My own experience varies from not signing up to that class because I won’t be any good to not taking part in an event or activity because of fear of looking silly. Of course if you try something new you won’t be that good at it, but without building that experience you won’t ever get good at it. We then worry what others may think, chances are they are in the same boat or they have been there before.

If we see someone struggling to present or do ten push-ups. We don’t think “hah, they are no good” we actually think “good job on doing that, keep going”. So if that is the truth, then why is our brain telling us something different? It’s just trying to protect us.

How you look at yourself

So self talk impacts how we look at ourselves and can hold us back. But it can go much further than that. It can start to impact how we act, how we show up to others and ultimately some of what happens in our lives.

If a situation happens and it doesn’t turn out well. We may close ourselves off and be down because of it. This in turn will cause us to be anxious next time, predicting an outcome worse than before. Because of this mindset, we will not take part which will lead to potentially less opportunity in the future. This could then impact other parts of our lives as negative thoughts can fuel other parts of our mind.

We have all experienced this, it’s the whole wake up on the wrong side of the bed syndrome. We are grumpy in the morning, which means you reacted different to a situation, which then fuels an already bad day into something worse!

You may think, well I am fairly positive and good with this, well try this viewpoint. If you in a certain role and looking to be promoted or move to another role. Do you view yourself as that senior leader or that high level tech or do you see yourself as the current role. The same logic applies with if you view yourself in that other role, you will change how you approach situations and ultimately impact some of what happens.

Remember you control how you feel and react

There are many things you can do to bring about some change to self talk and the stories you tell.

• Practice some positive self talk – Rather than thinking about the worst that can happen, think about the best that could happen. How often do we think about the best. When you do think of the worst that can happen, map it out logically using facts and others view points. You will find out the actual worst thing to happen is not that bad at all
• Get additional perspective – Our self talk is skewed, why not get perspective from others to find out if what you are thinking is what they are thinking. Just ask them on their viewpoint and then sit back being in the moment and be surprised at what they say
• Practice mindfulness – Mindfulness allows us to reset a bit and observe current state. It breaks out from the past and the future and just what is in the moment. So you had a bad morning. Practice for 10 minutes, will let you reset and approach your day much differently

Above all you control how you feel and react, so kick that self talk into touch and be awesome.